Identity Crisis

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It’s fall and everyone is talking about pumpkin patches and wagon rides.

And I’ve fallen off of mine.

Let me explain.

I’ve written a bit before about how I’ve been taking a little break from running since my last marathon.  I set some different goals and got into the gym more consistently.  And that was going pretty great, up until a few weeks ago.  I got to the edge and kind of fell off of it, and ended up taking over a week off from any kind of working out completely.  Not even a dog walk.

I made a ton of progress in a few months, gained some muscle, lost some fat, and was feeling generally badass.  So in all reality, I may have just pushed myself a bit too close to overtraining.  But my gut tells me that’s not the whole story.

I’m having a bit of an identity crisis.

Runner Kourtney vs. Gym Kourtney.

Fast vs. Strong.

Race PRs vs. Barbell PRs.

Running is so very important to me; it’s how I got started here.  I’ll always identify as a runner, and I feel as though I need to.  But strength training as a woman has become as important to me lately, and I want to spread my knowledge and experience in that department as well.  Can I do both in a credible way?

Run vs. Lift

I have still been running two or three times a week, or at the very least once at Happy’s Running Club every Tuesday.  But really, three has even been a struggle to prioritize and really embrace.  In contrast, I have been pretty committed to get to the gym and pump some iron at least two, if not three days a week.  I throw in a Shred if I’m up to it, and I’ve kept my rest days at one or two, depending on how good I’m feeling.

After my full week off, I’m still struggling to get back into a routine.  I’m feeling in-between and completely torn.  I’m deciding whether to run the Rock ‘N’ Roll Las Vegas Half Marathon in November, and whether I need to prioritize distance training and conditioning.  I’m deciding how far I want to take my hypertrophy in the gym, because hello, leggings season.  (And I’m thisclose to squatting my own bodyweight!)  I am enjoying running right now, and I’m missing the race scene a little bit.  But I am still excited about my potential under that barbell too.

And I can’t do both.

My body won’t support it, and I accept that.  I’m not a work out six or seven days a week kind of gal.  I top out around five to survive, and that’s what I have to work with.  I am also a believer in specialization, and I cannot specialize in both running and heavy lifting and maximize potential in both.

So what to do?  It’s a question I haven’t been able to answer yet, but it will come.  I know that it’s self-focused to put this minor (#firstworldproblems) struggle out there.  But the point is, you can’t do it all, and sometimes you have to make choices.  I guess you’ll either see me racing in November or powerlifting next year.  Stay tuned.

Have you ever gotten stuck in your workout routine?  Have you ever gotten totally sick of one thing but then missed it when you moved to the next?  How did you find your groove?